The Sorrows of Young Cristina

for you….

Originally uploaded by mistybliss

this photo reminds me of when I was little… I remember I looked like this, long blonde hair, large eyes and my dad called me “his little doll”.
If ever I get to marry and have my own family, I wish to be happy and full of life as in mistybliss’s photos. They really touched me deep.

I don’t want to hear horoscopes anymore. They make me sadder than I already am if they tell bad things and they give me hopes which won’t be fulfilled if they tell good things. I always have to find a problem eveywhere, don’t I? And I get enthusiast when it looks like the right thing is just round the corner but when I turn the corner I find out that it wasn’t so right after all. And I get sad. Oh so sad.

just read Der Ketzer von Soana. It’s unjustly infamous, I think critics should analyze it because it’s so decadent in its themes. It reminded me of D’Annunzio.

If I think about the present phase of my life I’m living and compare it to everything that was before it, I can’t but see an extremely deep DIFFERENCE. My life was 80% sad and 20% pleasurable. Now it’s 85% pleasurable and 15% sad. Pretty good for an anhedonic like me. And plus that 15% doesn’t depend from me but from people who are plotting to make my life emptier.

Good things come when you least expect it. And when you expect it they never come. This could be the sum of the last month.

you’ll be given love
maybe not from the directions you are staring at
maybe not from the sources you have poured yours.

I’m writing from the university library as usual. The big news is… my lovely super adorable parents bought me a new pc!!! And I may soon get an internet connection too!!!

Last week’s sadness was blown away in two hours’ time yesterday. I passed another exam and I had a solitary walk, just the way I like it. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. Today it’s cloudy and the air smells like damp. 
And after the exam I had a news which just made my day brighter.  Life is unpredictable.

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Originally uploaded by salvuzzo1

This picture was taken by Ernesto a.k.a. salvuzzo.
I met him and other interesting people at the Flickr meeting in Lecce on Saturday 1 March.
We met to take pictures of the city but ended up taking pictures of each other! We laughed so much!
I feel strange seeing myself as the subject of a photo. I’ve never really thought of myself as interesting at all. But I love these pictures and I would like to put them all here. It’s been a little ego-boost.

Yesterday I bought some chocolates -some with a rhum filling, other ones with coffee… delicious. The man who sold them to me put a little chocolate heart in the bag with the others. It just made me smile.

But there’s no sorrows of young me without some little drama. Let’s talk about suffering then. It would be odd to read a totally happy post.
I get accused of things by my room mates. I’m getting tired of this and of suffering from it. I shall not get sad or mad anymore. I just don’t want to think about it because it’s not worth it. They won’t make me feel miserable anymore.

And there’s something strongly bugging me in the field of sentiments too. Just like a sting, a subtle pain that won’t leave me alone. I keep asking questions but get no answer.

My English is bugging me, too. I have to end this post before the Oxford Language Society sues me.

I had two bad dreams last night. They left a sense of fear within me.

In the first one a friend of mine drove a car right into the sea and then we got out of the car and went for a swim with everyone else. But there were vampires in the water, with their eyes black and their skin white and long black dresses, and when the sun set and light disappeared they raised out of the water and bit everyone. It was frightening. Why do I always have to dream about horror coming out of the water?

In the second dream I was in a village where people helped me but then it turned out that they wanted to trap me. So I ran away in the woods and they got after me…

okay next time I won’t eat so much before going to bed.

Back to reality… I’m happy because my exams had satisfying results. Despite my fears. And I wrote and handed in the final essay about the apprenticeship at the bookshop. It’s easier to write it than to do it! It took me a few days to invent… erm… collect everything about this experience and write it on Word and print it and have it signed by the professor.

I’ve just claimed this blog on Technorati. it was mine, it was on Technorati, so, let’s do it, I told myself.

I’ve been studying a lot these days -more pages a day than I’ve ever done before- -because I have two exams, one next week and the other one at the beginning of February - but I still feel I’m not working enough. I don’t know if I’ll make it.

I’ve seen Eurotrip this afternoon. A light movie with some good humourous situations - just what I needed.

A Russian ship must have arrived in the harbour because we’ve been seeing foreign sailors around the town since this morning.

I just came back from the market where I saw one of them. My friend Camillo dared me to come up to him and talk to him, and after some hesitation I gathered my courage, fought against shyness and used the beloved idiom of germanic descent I love since I was 13.

“Good evening” - I didn’t even give him the time to answer my greeting- “Where are you from?”
“I was born in Saint Petersburg” he said, and smiled. He looked happy. “Are you happy?” I asked him. “I can’t understand”. Oh yes maybe he doesn’t know what happiness is. “How old are you?” “28″ but he looked much younger.

And his name? I forgot to ask.
And I could not understand the name of the town his ship took sail from.

Originally uploaded by Red Beetle

Me and my friend camillo went down the seafront the other day and took some pictures of the sunset, the ships setting sail from the harbor of our town, Taranto, the purple and pink sky, and the grey sea below. His came out better than mine, I’m sure. Anyway they give me a sense of longing for far away places and adventure. Just like in a corto Maltese story by Hugo Pratt.