Breathe me

Originally uploaded by emilie79*

Hello. I’m the melodramatic girl getting hurt by nearly anything and using emphatic metaphors to talk about her feelings. I thought it was over.

You were reaching out to me. We were getting closer and closer still - you approached me with that delicacy of yours, and I was shy like a hedgehog, keeping people away with my spines - a warm sensation of you growing inside of me - “hold me, wrap me up unfold me I am small I’m needy warm me up and breathe me” - you made me believe in you - but it was untrue - was it?

Has anyone ever taught you to use words properly? What did you really mean by them?
Why did you have to plant flowers in my heart if I have to pull them up?
your sunshine was for someone else and my unlucky flowers die

 I take a spoonful of marmalade just to let it drop observing its red transparency.

I had an exam today but there were so many people that they told some of us to come back in two days. That’s bad, I should be studying for another right now :S I have three exams left and I’m worried about not being able to pass them.

Anyway I took some free time for myself, had a walk and bought Death Note 11. My mangamania has come back. How can I resist those cute little faces and those plots which are so close to the patterns of my life? I bought Jelly Beans, Akuma no Eros and Nana.

Summer has started and the shorts I wear at home have become even shorter. My legs are still as white as snow though. Still no beach for me.

how can I keep up like this? I don’t want to end up screaming like crazy as PJ Harvey does in this song.

Oh my lover
Don’t you know it’s alright ?
You can love her
You can love me at the same time
Much to discover
I know you don’t have the time but
Oh my lover
Don’t you know it’s alright ?

Oh my sweet thing
Oh my honey thighs
Give me your troubles
I’ll keep them with mine
Take at your leisure
Take whatever you can find but
Oh my sweet thing
Don’t you know it’s alright ?

It’s alright
It’s alright
There’s no time
So it’s alrigh-igh-ight

What’s that color
Forming around your eyes
Once my lover
Tell me that it’s alright
Just another
Before you go…go away
Oh my lover
Why don’t you just say my name ?

And it’s alright
Say it’s alright
There’s no time

just trying to study and get some concentration and chewing on the skin around my thumbs… June and July have always been this bad since two years!!! that’s why the time I dedicate to reading has lessened. Hoffmann’s stories have been on the bedside table for a month by now.
I wonder where I’m gonna be in a year. The people I’m going to meet. The problems I will have overcome.
goodbye my faithful reader.

[it's over. it never started. we will never know how it would have been. we will lay together in the world of dreams]

The doctor says I eat too much junk food which damages my skin. I’m having fresh vegetables at lunch and dinner now, they don’t suck as much as before beacuse I add sauce but I would rather not eat them.
It’s odd how the more I hate things and try to avoid them the more I attract them! Don’t mind me and my bad English, I’m just feeling unlucky these days.

Exams are coming and I don’t feel like studying. I read and re read the same passages over and over again. i don’t see what I have to struggle against. I’ve done a lot this year, these few last days won’t improve much my learning.

Great concert last Wednesday - the singer’s strong voice is still in my head: Volami accanto, solca il tempo, bevi l’immenso soffio eterno… my friends were taking pictures all around me… really a great night

for you….

Originally uploaded by mistybliss

this photo reminds me of when I was little… I remember I looked like this, long blonde hair, large eyes and my dad called me “his little doll”.
If ever I get to marry and have my own family, I wish to be happy and full of life as in mistybliss’s photos. They really touched me deep.

I don’t want to hear horoscopes anymore. They make me sadder than I already am if they tell bad things and they give me hopes which won’t be fulfilled if they tell good things. I always have to find a problem eveywhere, don’t I? And I get enthusiast when it looks like the right thing is just round the corner but when I turn the corner I find out that it wasn’t so right after all. And I get sad. Oh so sad.

just read Der Ketzer von Soana. It’s unjustly infamous, I think critics should analyze it because it’s so decadent in its themes. It reminded me of D’Annunzio.

If I think about the present phase of my life I’m living and compare it to everything that was before it, I can’t but see an extremely deep DIFFERENCE. My life was 80% sad and 20% pleasurable. Now it’s 85% pleasurable and 15% sad. Pretty good for an anhedonic like me. And plus that 15% doesn’t depend from me but from people who are plotting to make my life emptier.

Good things come when you least expect it. And when you expect it they never come. This could be the sum of the last month.

you’ll be given love
maybe not from the directions you are staring at
maybe not from the sources you have poured yours.

I’m writing from the university library as usual. The big news is… my lovely super adorable parents bought me a new pc!!! And I may soon get an internet connection too!!!

Last week’s sadness was blown away in two hours’ time yesterday. I passed another exam and I had a solitary walk, just the way I like it. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. Today it’s cloudy and the air smells like damp. 
And after the exam I had a news which just made my day brighter.  Life is unpredictable.