esplosione

non riesco a smettere il pensiero di lui. Col passare di giorni e settimane e mesi quel pensiero pulsava, deposto mordibamente tra una sinapsi e l’altra; avvolto dall’intrecciarsi dei gangli, è stato schiacciato sempre più stretto. Finchè oggi è esploso in milioni di miliardi di scintille irrorando la corteccia fino agli strati esterni più recenti, senza darmi pace.

the unsaid.

Breathe me

Originally uploaded by emilie79*

Hello. I’m the melodramatic girl getting hurt by nearly anything and using emphatic metaphors to talk about her feelings. I thought it was over.

You were reaching out to me. We were getting closer and closer still – you approached me with that delicacy of yours, and I was shy like a hedgehog, keeping people away with my spines – a warm sensation of you growing inside of me – “hold me, wrap me up unfold me I am small I’m needy warm me up and breathe me” – you made me believe in you – but it was untrue – was it?

Has anyone ever taught you to use words properly? What did you really mean by them?
Why did you have to plant flowers in my heart if I have to pull them up?
your sunshine was for someone else and my unlucky flowers die

going nuts

how can I keep up like this? I don’t want to end up screaming like crazy as PJ Harvey does in this song. 😦

Oh my lover
Don’t you know it’s alright ?
You can love her
You can love me at the same time
Much to discover
I know you don’t have the time but
Oh my lover
Don’t you know it’s alright ?

Oh my sweet thing
Oh my honey thighs
Give me your troubles
I’ll keep them with mine
Take at your leisure
Take whatever you can find but
Oh my sweet thing
Don’t you know it’s alright ?

It’s alright
It’s alright
There’s no time
So it’s alrigh-igh-ight

What’s that color
Forming around your eyes
Once my lover
Tell me that it’s alright
Just another
Before you go…go away
Oh my lover
Why don’t you just say my name ?

And it’s alright
Say it’s alright
There’s no time

it’s over

[it’s over. it never started. we will never know how it would have been. we will lay together in the world of dreams]

The doctor says I eat too much junk food which damages my skin. I’m having fresh vegetables at lunch and dinner now, they don’t suck as much as before beacuse I add sauce but I would rather not eat them.
It’s odd how the more I hate things and try to avoid them the more I attract them! Don’t mind me and my bad English, I’m just feeling unlucky these days.

Exams are coming and I don’t feel like studying. I read and re read the same passages over and over again. i don’t see what I have to struggle against. I’ve done a lot this year, these few last days won’t improve much my learning.

Great concert last Wednesday – the singer’s strong voice is still in my head: Volami accanto, solca il tempo, bevi l’immenso soffio eterno… my friends were taking pictures all around me… really a great night

no more anhedonic?

just read Der Ketzer von Soana. It’s unjustly infamous, I think critics should analyze it because it’s so decadent in its themes. It reminded me of D’Annunzio.

If I think about the present phase of my life I’m living and compare it to everything that was before it, I can’t but see an extremely deep DIFFERENCE. My life was 80% sad and 20% pleasurable. Now it’s 85% pleasurable and 15% sad. Pretty good for an anhedonic like me. And plus that 15% doesn’t depend from me but from people who are plotting to make my life emptier.

Good things come when you least expect it. And when you expect it they never come. This could be the sum of the last month.

:) smiling again

I’m writing from the university library as usual. The big news is… my lovely super adorable parents bought me a new pc!!! And I may soon get an internet connection too!!!

Last week’s sadness was blown away in two hours’ time yesterday. I passed another exam and I had a solitary walk, just the way I like it. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. Today it’s cloudy and the air smells like damp. 
And after the exam I had a news which just made my day brighter.  Life is unpredictable.

Flickr meeting and that

_REP7680

Originally uploaded by salvuzzo1

This picture was taken by Ernesto a.k.a. salvuzzo.
I met him and other interesting people at the Flickr meeting in Lecce on Saturday 1 March.
We met to take pictures of the city but ended up taking pictures of each other! We laughed so much! 🙂
I feel strange seeing myself as the subject of a photo. I’ve never really thought of myself as interesting at all. But I love these pictures and I would like to put them all here. It’s been a little ego-boost. 😉

Yesterday I bought some chocolates -some with a rhum filling, other ones with coffee… delicious. The man who sold them to me put a little chocolate heart in the bag with the others. It just made me smile.

But there’s no sorrows of young me without some little drama. Let’s talk about suffering then. It would be odd to read a totally happy post.
I get accused of things by my room mates. I’m getting tired of this and of suffering from it. I shall not get sad or mad anymore. I just don’t want to think about it because it’s not worth it. They won’t make me feel miserable anymore.

And there’s something strongly bugging me in the field of sentiments too. Just like a sting, a subtle pain that won’t leave me alone. I keep asking questions but get no answer.

My English is bugging me, too. I have to end this post before the Oxford Language Society sues me.

love

explain to me
why love is addictive.
It’s just like drugs. You think you won’t fall for it anymore. But some day, it happens again.
I feel so weak against it. Against him.
Is it love or is it a surrogate of it?